Monday, October 29, 2007

helping out.

Dear Al Gore,
I know that most of my letters about how I feel there is a lot injustice surrounding doing the right thing by the environment, I just wanted you to know that our dog Jackson does his part! Whenever he encounters a stray box, piece of paper or other type of recycling, he does his best to get it ready for the recycling plant, by ripping it to shreds. He makes fast work of almost any paper product, especially boxes and magazines. I feel certain that he does this to aid in decreasing the amount of resources it takes to recycle.

My husband and I have worked hard to instill a strong commitment to the environment in our family, even our dog helps out!



Dear Al Gore,

Today my bestie ate the leftovers from her burrito. We stored this leftover in the fridge in the original tin foil, inside the paper bag we received from the dining establishment. After she was done eating she asked me where to recycle the various items. The paper bag was easy, with the paper recycling, but the tin foil posed a challenge. The tin foil was covered with food stuffs and my recycling bin is outside our apartment in the hallway. Our building has in the past had a rodent problem so I don't want attract further pests into the building with the promise of scraps of food on my recycling, yet trying to scrub the tin foil seems like a waste of water and gas (which is what is used to heat the water heater).

Tell me what should I have done?

Thanks in advance for your prompt attention to this pressing matter.


Can One Man's Cologne Change Global Warming?

Dear Al Gore,

As a Nobel Peace Prize recipient with a fancy medal, you are, now more than ever, a positive role model for the American male. Please inform your followers in that population that wearing too much cologne (so much so, that an elevator reeks of it after your exit and nauseates a poor pregnant lady) cannot be good for the environment.

Surely, something that noxious is contributing to global warming?

Many thanks in advance,

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Vermicious Knids


So much has transpired these many nights since we danced the Macarena on Saturday Night Live...Where to start? Let's talk about me.

After being rebuffed by the Patent Office regarding my invention of the "Surgical Nose Hair Shotgun" (they argued that aside from being an obvious extension of prior inventions, it may not pass ATF muster), I have successfully settled into a groove as a cricket confuser.

When a home full of family-loving Americans is troubled by the pesky chirping of these vermicious knids, I simply stalk up Hutu style amongst them and shout Hutu warrior chants. While they didn't work as well against the Tutsis, it befuddles crickets like a Hamburglar in a Central Indiana nunnery. It requires a different sleep pattern than I am used to, but the crickets just aren't as precocious in the morning.

From what I can tell, you have been up to similar endeavors with your environmental mish-mosh and whatnot. I hear that's going well. Actually, a 2.7 degree increase in sub-tropical temperatures will wipe out the cricket population, and POOF! there goes my empire. So, keep it up, smelly.

Love and smooches to The Tipmeister.

Friday, October 26, 2007


Dear Al Gore,

I know that Jackson wrote you a letter bemoaning the endless amount of rain, so instead, can you send it down to Atlanta? The whole south, even, would be great. And then you can send the thunderclouds to rain lightning on the heads of corporate america who have not only contributed to this crisis, but denies its very existance. Sprawl developers are bad too.

Thank you,

Thursday, October 25, 2007

SoCal Query

Dear President Gore,

It is only due to extraordinary fortitude (and some exigent personal circumstances that I will not expand on here) that I have not spent the last 6+ years on a massive drinking binge. I have a wonderful social support system and a loving family, and I became a father just over a year ago, so I have many wonderful reasons NOT to drink, up against the gang of greedy warmongers running the country. It's been a close call some days, but I've done what I can:
I've spoken to people one on one about the complexities of Middle East politics in general and the lack of wisdom and lies behind the war in Iraq in particular;
I've sent CARE packages to soldiers in Iraq;
I've helped like-minded friends keep their wits about them;
And most of all, I've kept the faith and kept telling myself, "This too shall pass."

I want to take this opportunity to congratulate you on your share of the Nobel Peace Prize and your continuing efforts to raise awareness about the human role in global climate change. I am making a sincere effort to reduce my use of non-renewable resources and fossil fuels, both directly and indirectly (e.g., no longer buying bottled water, recycling absolutely everything I can, even if I didn't use it to begin with, etc.). I'd love to know what steps you've taken to reduce your own impact on the environment, but my real question is this:

What the hell is Jimmy Carter's problem?

Yiftach Levy


Dear Al Gore,

This past week has been very stressful for me. I have many friends and family in Southern California and the fires have not been easy on them. While its hard to find direct causality between global warming and fires in southern California, I feel confident that you can find it and tell me about it. Also it doesn't seem good for nature that one of the ways to fight the fires, is to throw a chemical retardant on the fire. Can you please come up with a better solution?




Stupid Apartment

Dear Al Gore,

My apartment is too hot. The building sets the heat too high, and even though all my radiators are set to "snowflake" I have to open windows to be comfortable. This wastes fossil fuels!

Please make the stupid condo association set the heat lower.


PS - I hate this apartment anyway, so please make the stupid couple who moved into my old apartment leave so I can move back there and be properly thermo-regulated.

Mr. Gore, I know you can do it!

Dear Al Gore,

I know you're not actually in the government at present, but could you use some of your magical powers to make the government give the MTA of NYC more money (and then make the MTA use that money responsibly)? Then when extreme weather conditions that are caused by global warming hit, the MTA won't shut down...

Thank you, MR. Gore. I know you can do it.


(posted for Alexa Z.)


Dear Al Gore,

I don't like rain. It makes me wet and cold. Plus, it means I can't play with my friends in the park. I can handle one day of rain, as long as it is followed my many days of not rain. What can you do?


(as dictated to me)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Start Local

Dear Al Gore,

Do you think Veronique should run for the local council? They could really use more progressively minded people, someone who truly represents the populace. I think that some of the most effective politics is local, and I think Veronique would be swell. How did you start out?


p.s. You're dreamy.

thoughts on my commute

Dear Al Gore,

Could you please do something about the Massachusetts Turnpike Association's foolass toll-hike proposals? I do not feel it's appropriate that I pay inflated tolls just because I have to get to my job everyday. I would love to take a train, but the rejects at the MBTA can't get a Commuter Rail to me at the right times.


PS, please be my baby's godfather?

the first post

it should be noted that my friend harmony at b-school inspired me to do this. i welcome suggestions and additions
If you would like to be a regular poster just leave a comment and i will make you a blog author.

here is a link to my first published letter to al gore.